American 187

There Will Be Blood is not for everyone but…

american187 — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 00:02:12 +0000

There is a shocking statistic I stumbled upon while browsing the net. Meet the Spartans is actually making money. Come on people wake the fuck up. Dreck like that shouldn’t have even been made in the first place let alone gross over $33 million. As a fan of talent and taste to think that stupid fucking shit like that is making money is making me worry about this nation. I personally don’t trust the people that dropped money on Meet the Spartans to vote for the next President of the United States because obviously they are shit eating dumb sons of bitches.

The reason I even bother writing about such filth is because Meet the Spartans has surpassed There Will Be Blood’s total gross by over $5 million. An honest to god American classic has been looked over and people have been choosing the absolute worst thats being launched onto movie screens. Why do we find corny and unfunny jokes amusing? Do we like to punish ourselves or did we actually take a step back on the evolutionary scale?

There Will Be Blood in any other year would be automatically be the best picture but it so happened than another perfect movie was released some months earlier and of course I’m talking about No Country for Old Men. So as of right now its a tie. Anyway Back on topic.

There Will Be Blood is an astonishing feat of movie making. Some of the best acting and cinematography ever put to film. Words cant describe how wonderful this movie really is. But there is one problem, people are to stupid to appreciate something this special. I’ve heard its to long, there isn’t enough dialog, what is the story etc. This movie isn’t for everyone especially to people now days. If you have lost faith in movies then There Will Be Blood will give you great hope. For those to dumb to comprehend I say go fuck yourself and watch another painful PG-13 comedy or something.

The new MacAir is stupid and so are you

american187 — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 05:40:42 +0000

“MacBook Air is ultrathin, ultraportable, ultra unlike anything else.” and ultra fucking stupid. For $1800 you can get a computer that fits nicely into a small envelope and snaps in half when the wind blows. Well at least you can bring it anywhere and upload those cd’s you just purchased and watch those dvd’s inbetween classes……oh shit…….. wait you mean to tell me in Apples pursuit to make this thing as small as possible they forgot to put in a cd drive? What the fuck? Oh, ok they have a separate piece I can use….wait…it didn’t come with it and I have to buy it separately for a $100 more? So now this “ultra thin” computer now has a fucking disk drive hanging out the back like an Amniotic sac. Well at least I can upload all that homework I have on my handy expensive USB stick……….Mother fucker………god damn son of a bitch…………now I have to unplug my disk drive because it only has one USB port. Ok well I’m just going to plug into the internet and surf until I relax because hey this is an Apple product and Apple means sophistication. Ok where do I plug in this Ethernet cord? Hmmmmmm can’t seem to find the port anywhere…….oh mother fucking cock sucking *breaks MacAir in half* Fuck this shit I’m going to complain to Apple customer service using my iphone….fuck I can only get AT&T service if I’m in the laundry room. Fuck Apple.

Ah Well…

royal1dyr — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 16:17:29 +0000

If you didn’t hear it already, Heath Ledger died.

He probably died because he did massive amounts of aka BLOW.

However he was supporting the economy:

I can honestly say that I “DID NOT SEE THIS COMING” but I guess it’s just one more drug user down.

We will miss you and your sub-par acting career.

Whats next? T-Pain will win a Grammy? Don’t say you weren’t warned…..

-ROYAL

American Horror filmmakers should take notes from “The Orphanage”

american187 — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 21:42:47 +0000

Scary movies in American are, for the most part, pathetic. The typical “horror” film consists of gruesome scenes of torture (read: torture porn), slaughter, and quick cuts and edits. These films are your typical ‘R’ rated blood and guts endurance tests or those PG-13 abominations to cash in on the current trend. Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a good bloody romp for 90 mins but it seems to me (and many more) that there is lack of any originality. Its the same old shit different movie. At a recent trip to Block Buster I really took notice of all the copy cat ‘scary’ movies and I have lost faith in the horror genre until……

I saw Juan Antonio Bayona’s brilliant and suspenseful film, The Orphanage. Produced by Gillermo del Toro (he directed last years excellent film: Pans Labyrinth and Hell Boy) the orphanage is an excellent example of what a scary movie should be. Instead of the usual bag of tricks such as quick cuts and globs of gore to get frights, Bayona prefers to use the story, characters, and suspense to give the audience white knuckles. Bayonas opts to let the characters develop into something more than a cardboard cutout. We learn what these people are about and begin to care when things begin to happen. Overall this is an amazing film and the best I’ve seen thus far (yes i realize its only January 20th but the next few weeks looks bleak for movie goers).

By now you may be asking ‘what the fuck is this movie, and why haven’t I ever heard of it?’ Well thats because its a foreign movie and those don’t tend to do well in mainstream America. Turns out the American audience for the most part don’t like to read during their movies. They need instant gratification. Well I’m hear to tell those who may be reading this: go see this fucking movie, you wont regret it.

(If you have gotten this far your probably wondering where the synopsis of the film is. There isn’t one. The less you know about this little movie the better experience you’ll have.)

(Trailer for your convenience)

Why?

american187 — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 16:53:29 +0000

(Websters definition of Retarded: slow or limited in intellectual or emotional development or academic progress)

“Soulja boy off in this hoe
Watch me lean and watch me rock
Super man that hoe
Then watch me crank that Robocop
Super fresh, now watch me jock
Jocking on them haters man
When I do that soulja boy
I lean to the left and crank that thang”

Crank That, a popular song by Soulja Boy, has been a national phenomenon and is currently being played by the likes of MTV, VH1, BET, at dance clubs, and in bars across the nation. After my initial listening of the song a few months ago and the many repeated times while frequenting bars in the local area, I often find myself asking the very same question over and over again ……Why the Fuck do people listen to this shit?

After looking over the actual lyrics to this “song” I had no idea someone could make Rich Boy seem like Bill Shakespeare (Just read the lyrics posted above). I thought music had hit rock bottom with Rich Boys Throw some D’s on it. Well ladies and gentlemen there is a new king of Shit Mountain.

You may be asking yourself “But Jarrod, this song is so last month. I don’t even like it anymore” and I realize this but the reason I am ranting about it today is that the huge popularity of the song has spawned many more sequels from this artist (I use the term very very loosely) and many more dumbass rappers (note: not emcees) that think they can spit over a beat they don’t deserve.

Well I have discovered the reason behind the popularity of this phenomenon………

Drunk ass women at bars and night clubs who obviously don’t realize what the fuck the “song” is about. Apparently women love to dance to some guy calling them bitches and hoes and wanting to Robocop them because “the beat is just so good”. Listen up ladies………Stop.

Oh and what the fuck is this all about?

In conclusion Soulja Boy and everyone out there who aspires to be like Soulja Boy needs to….

Blackwater.

royal1dyr — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 06:23:29 +0000

Apparently….in an effort to combat operatives in Iraq and Afghanistan the U.S. government has hired (private) guns to go in and protect American interests and simply “Do Work” without having consequence or any type of repercussions (or work alongside of US troops, look at it however you want). It’s almost like a militarized Treadstone (think Bourne series). What is tripped out is that they are former Special Ops and Seals who need employment doing what they do best. Now I have my own reservations on the war, and politics in general. Despite that, I must say that it is impressive that in America, there can “legally” be a legion of hired guns who happen to be the best killers in the entire world. In a twisted way it’s almost prideful…

Anywho Blackwater is full of cold blooded American bad-asses. The best of the best, doing the most dangerous shit in the world (mad respect). Only in America can elite groups that seem fictional actual be real….

Brings into questions what is for real and what isn’t…

Either way make your own judgements: BLACKWATER

Not For The Faint of Heart…

american187 — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 04:47:11 +0000

If your looking for an honest, yet humorous view on all things “American” from global fuck-ups, to whats good in the hood, all the way to the burb’s and moms apple pie, you are in the right spot. Leave your personal thoughts and feelings at the door because you are hear to see what we have to say.
Above all else…..enjoy.